Gag me with a house salad.

If I had a nickel for every time I got invited to some cookie-cutter, meat-infested, casual dining craphole (if it's not a word, it is today) and told "you can have a house salad," I would use all of those nickels to buy a Bob Marley autographed guitar to bash the next person to offer me a house salad over the head.

I don't have a problem with house salads, per se, but I do have a problem with the fact that someone would invite me to eat with them while caring so little about my taste buds that they think a bowl of half-wilted iceberg lettuce, a cucumber slice, and three cherry tomatoes was going to be an enjoyable dinner.

I won't stand for it anymore, and you shouldn't either!  It is our duty as vegetarians to inform our friends, family and colleagues that we do have sophisticated palates, too.  Most vegetarians do not graze in a field.  We like variety as much as any carnivore and don't eat salads all day.  If I do have a salad for dinner, it is going to be a dinner salad, and it better have some nice, fancy stuff all over it, like craisins, apples, walnuts, artichokes or something else yummy.  If it's not on a dinner-sized plate, it's not a dinner.

Ok.  I'm done ranting.  Wow!  I could really go for a salad right now. How ironic? :-/

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Unhealthy Vegetarians

I've known some fat, unhealthy vegetarians.  Now, I'm not at my physical peek, but I'm relatively healthy.  There are some goofballs out there that think that you can't be healthy if you don't eat meat.  That's stupid.  But, most people tend to think that it is hard for a vegetarian to be unhealthy.  That's not quite stupid, but it is very wrong.

I used to be like most people in the world.  I used to spend my days dragging my knuckles on the ground, eating slabs of charred dead animals and driving around in my Hummer looking for small animals to run over.  My gut hung way over my belt line (I wasn't even wearing a belt) and I couldn't remember the last time I bathed.  Then, I became a vegetarian.  NOTHING CHANGED.

I wondered, "how can I still be a grotesque, loathsome beast when I don't even eat carcass anymore?"  The answer, of course, is that meat isn't the only thing that keeps a person from discovering their inner supermodel.  I realized that you not only have to stop eating unhealthy foods, but you must begin to eat healthy foods.  Once I figured out that balance was key, I shed hundreds of unwanted pounds, grew thick, beautiful hair only where I wanted it, and began emitting a pleasant scent, at will.

Some of the facts of my metamorphosis may be a little off, as it has been so long and my memory is hazy, but you get the point.  Avoiding empty calories and eating lots of fruits and vegetables is the obvious, and most often ignored, path to good health.  The best way to eat the right balance is to eat a variety of colors every day.  Here is a link to a good article about the colors of fruits and vegetables, and their health benefits (ignore the fleshy meal suggestions):

http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/foods/fn595w.htm#reasons

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Vegetarian Web Presence

Obviously, I eat at restaurants all the time.  I also travel quite a bit.  I find it so difficult to find vegetarian food when I go places.  Sure, there are guides to vegetarian eating, and they are great.  But, for some reason, I find the best places through word-of-mouth and not on the web.  Why is that?

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that vegetarian restaurants tend to be small "mom and pop" type establishments.  They are often way more worried about the food that they are preparing than they are about their advertising.  This is good and bad.  While these places may enjoy a great following at first, due to the fact that vegetarians are always trying to find new places, once the novelty wears thin or another restaurant opens, they often go out of business.

Also, major restaurants do absolutely nothing to promote their vegetarian selections.  You never see advertisements for a meatless offering from any of the popular casual dining establishments, but most of them do offer something.  This, I believe, is because they do not value the business that these items bring.

I don't have an answer to this one.  This was more or less a rant.  I do think that vegetarians and vegans ought to do their best to encourage restaurants to build their web presence and to promote their vegetarian selections online.  The more this is done, the more other places will get the hint and develop their menus to include us herbivores.

That's it.  I'm done.  Feel free to weigh in.

Vegetarian Tacos...fast, easy and yummy!!!

I love vegetarian tacos.  I'm eating them tonight, as a matter of fact.  They are fast, easy and oh so good.  They can be pretty healthy, too.  Here's what I do, but you can go nuts with these.

Note:  This is not a recipe.  This is more like an idea for you to put together your own recipe.

1. I get Morningstar Farms Veggie Crumbles and saute' them with garlic, salt, pepper (black and cayenne), and, sometimes, a taco seasoning packet.  If you prefer Boca crumbles or another kind, do it.  I'm not the boss of you.
2. I bake a mess of taco shells.  I prefer Ortega, but will make whichever brand is on sale, because I'm cheap.  I also heat up some soft tortillas.
3. Then, I fill my tacos and add whichever delicious ingredients I want that night.  These can include cheese (real or soy), guacamole, salsa, cilantro, pico de gallo, shredded lettuce, pretty much whatever you like.
4. Then, I douse it all with hot sauce because I hate my intestines.

That's it.  I love it.  My family loves it.  My friends love it.  You'll love it.  If you come up with anything else interesting to add, let me know.  I'm always down to try some new grub.

I'm the reason your girlfriend likes tofu.

My posts are probably way too cynical.  You probably all have great friends who respect your dietary decisions and encourage your healthy lifestyle.  I don't.  My friends are jerks.  I get ridiculed at every turn.  When we are out to eat, they make a point of ordering as much meat as possible.  Then, they tell me how good every bite is.

I can deal with that.  It might have been difficult at first, but now I just laugh it off and strike back when I can.  What I can't deal with is when they question my hetero-credentials.  Now, for all of the non-hetero readers out there, don't take any offense.  I'm okay with whatever floats your banana boat.  But, the assumption that all vegetarian men are playing for the other team are far from accurate.  In fact, vegetarianism exemplifies many characteristics that females look for in men, such as:

1. Healthy Living:  Every woman wants a man who cares about his body (because she cares about his body).
2. Self-Discipline:  One of the biggest complaints women make about men is that they lack control and discipline.  You must have discipline if you can stop eating meat. (hahaha)
3. Sensitivity:  Vegetarians are characterized as having a lot of concern for the environment and animal-welfare.  Women tend to love that stuff. Yay!
4. Trendiness:  Vegetarianism is often looked at as a subculture.  Subcultures are a rebellion against the norm, and rebellion is cool.  Women look at vegetarian men as a different kind of bad boy.

So, please, if you are a man and are interested in vegetarianism, don't let your guy friends peer-pressure you not to.  Just give it a shot and take their girlfriends. :)

Summer's Comin': Time to Get Grillin'!!!

You probably have a friend who threw a barbecue and told you something like "Sorry.  Barbecue's aren't for vegetarians." (with a stupid grin on his face, no less)

Well, your friend is a filthy liar!

Sorry for my righteous vegetarian indignation, but fire cooks vegetables just like anything else.  The only challenge for vegetarians at a barbecue is getting your carnivorous friends to keep their carcass kabobs off of the clean foil...and, of course, having the right recipes.

Now, I'm not going to list a bunch of grill-ready recipes here, but I have posted some links below, and there are plenty of resources online.  As for my barbecue experiences, I've made some delectable veggie burgers, baked potatoes, sweet onions, portobellos, and even eggplant.  I've heard great things about grilled tofu, tempeh, and Gardenburger brand riblets.  So, don't be shy and have fun!

http://www.vegparadise.com/cookingwith57.html
http://www.theundergroundbootcamp.com/nutrition/how-to-host-a-healthy-vegetarian-barbecue/
http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/barbecue-tofu-sandwiches/Detail.aspx

BBQ Tofu Sandwich

Gelatin is made from animal skin and bones.

Gelatin is made from animal skin and bones.  I know my fellow veggie people know all about it, but it amazes me that I still have to tell grown people this piece of common knowledge.  So, I decided that the best way to put it out there is the good ol' world wide web.  Anyways, for any of you who don't know, or were skeptical about it because you heard it from some smelly hippie (I kid, I kid), GELATIN IS MADE FROM ANIMAL SKIN AND BONES.  So, please don't look at your vegetarian friends like they are lunatics when they turn down your various offerings of gelatin products, which, by the way, are made from animal skin and bones.  Vegetarians and vegans do not eat:

Skittles
Jello
Medicines in gel-caps
Starburst
Marshmallows
Gummie Bears
...and the list goes on

If you want to "taste the rainbow," be my guest, but just don't offer me any.  I'm on a no skin or bone diet.

For more info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelatin

Marley's Mellow Mood puts you to sleep...and it's legal!

What can I say?  I like to sleep.  Don't get me wrong, I don't sleep a lot.  But, when I do sleep, I like it to be deep and cozy.  For years, I have had issues falling asleep when I want to.  This has caused me to fall asleep when I absolutely didn't want to.  The worst instance was during a training session at a new job (they eventually stopped waking me up and let me sleep).  Now, I know there are many remedies out there, but they each have their own issues.  Many don't work.  Some work, but are addictive.  And, some are illegal (I'm not elaborating any more on that!)

That is why I was pleasantly surprised when I learned about Marley's Mellow Mood.  It comes in a small variety of flavors and potency (check the ingredients), and can be found, at least in South Florida, at many convenience stores and gas stations.  The flavor is nice, but the effect is what got me.  I am seemingly immune to most over-the-counter sleep aids.  Marley's Mellow Mood knocks me right out.  I have yet to hear any negative responses to it.  What really impresses me about these drinks are the ingredients.  They are all-natural, vegan, and even colored with vegetable juice!  You can't go wrong and I highly recommend you try some.  That is all I will say without getting paid. ;)

For more info:


http://www.marleybeverages.com/
Twitter: @drinkmellowmood